gained the 18 888 kiriban ! Congratulations !!

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Lately I became neurasthenic. For real. I though it was something bad but I think in my case, it's light. I've no interest in anything, lose all my days doing nothing, lost my appetite, am nauseous, and I think I'm ill at heart, and mind.
I should be working but I'm not. Each day passing I'm getting a little more old, my adult life started and what did I do? Nothing. Still nothing. I can't find a job. I live at my parents' and they are nice but I know deep within myself that's not what I should be doing. I think I don't want to work. Really I think so. I want to stay a child forever, continue to dream, live with the characters filling my head.
But deep inside me I know a part of my mind knows its place in the society is not idly living with my parents doing nothing.
Life sucks.
I hope I'll be better soon. I don't have interest in anything, I think drawing is useless since I've finished Morgane's picture which sucked all my energy and motivation it seems. I'm so tired too. But when I'm in my bed I feel bad because I'm doing nothing.
I must try to draw something again, to lighten my mood a little. Perhaps it should work.
I feel lonely and neglected too. Recently I've really felt lonely.
Even if I'm talking with friends on forums. I think that's not enough.
But I don't know what to do. I don't really know what I want by the way.
I will try to see my friend, go out, talk, laugh with her. My oldest friend recently threw her dream away because it was too hard for her too handle. She dreamt of becoming a nurse and after years of trying and failing, she was finally accepted in a nurse school and she realised... she wasn't strong enough for what this job requires. It's terrible. Now she's like me, a little lost. I think everyone's life sucks one day of another.
But me I don't know if the path I choose is the right one. I dunno what the right path is. I took the "less bad" one. Well, I though... I don't really know anymore what I should think about my life, present, future, what will become of me, what I want, what is good for me. I really never knew and I always chose randomly paths in life.... It's scary, no ?
yeah for a free rant for you to read!

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Please take a look for more pictures:
My website. last update : February 2nd, 2007

My story's website. last update : February, 25th 2007
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kiriban: 19999 hits! Make a screenshot and send me a note to ask me what you want (in the restriction of what I'm able to draw of course!! ^_^)
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